Being Home & Adoption

It's been months since I posted anything. Wow! That's how much even a part-time job can take out of me. Officially this week I have no more birthmoms who are pregnant and as soon as I finish-up the last bit of my paperwork I am "just" at home again. "Just" doesn't mean being home is more menial or less important - far from! Being home is something I relish in and have become more appreciative of over the last 15 months of being in the outside workforce.

I didn't start working as an adoption counselor part-time (whatever that means) because I felt like I needed to work outside the home to fulfill myself - it was purely a financial cover to start off. I wasn't even looking for a job on Craiglist, but I ran across the posting last January (2008) when I was helping my mom look for work on there. I had been looking for part-time work for a few months, but nothing seemed to fit our financial needs that was worth it for me to do and still be at home most of the time. After finding it, TJ and I discussed it, prayed about it, and it felt like a good decision for us so I applied.

I didn't go to school majoring in social work to become a millionaire (HA! Anyone know a social worker by profession that even makes six figures, much less any more?). Adoption counseling with prospective birthmothers sounded like a really great opportunity I hadn't got to try yet in the social work field and I really thought it would be perfect since East Texas wasn't very busy for our agency. I was lucky that I had a gradual start with the job in that I really was working maybe only 10-15 hours per week for the first few months. Then something changed and pregnant women considering adoption started popping out of the woodworks of East Texas and my job became a lot more toward full-time and traveling a lot rather than being at home most of the time. Other factors played in with my time restraints and being home, but my job became a real focus of everything. I was lucky that most appointments I could schedule around my time, but there is no control as to when a birthmom goes into labor (as any pregnant woman can tell you). I hated to leave James when he was so upset and crying. Even though I knew it didn't take him long to calm down, I just didn't have my heart in my job to keep doing it. TJ's work had improved considerably and the financial importance wasn't there anymore. Then, we found out we were expecting our second child on Election Day and gave my notice in January expecting to finish sometime in April. I wanted to keep working with a couple birthmoms I'd been with for a while and go with them to delivery and placement.

The last couple weeks have been A LOT slower since my wondeful friend, Vee, was hired to replace me as the East Texas Adoption Counselor. My thoughts don't have to constantly focus on who I need to call and check on, who's dr. apt. is next, what are there needs, and how can I help them best with their adoption plan. I really get to focus on my family now and our home and what's most important to us.

Every social work job I've done has had a profound effect on my personally, and I don't see how it couldn't for every other social worker. I've seen people of all walks of life and I really learn the meaning of "love one another" that Christ teaches us first hand. You have to love the people you are trying to "help them help themselves" and better their lives. When I don't and I'm so overwhelmingly frustrated with them for whatever reason, I know I'm not really doing the work I need to. I wouldn't have met most of these people in any other way, and I'm grateful for each one of them and the things that I've learned.

However, never being part of the adoption process before, I truly am sooooooooo grateful for the privelage I've had to be a part of the lives of the people I've worked with and their adoption stories. The birthmothers, my colleagues, and adoptive parents, as well as even medical professionals have all been an inspiration to me in one way or another. I know anyone who has ever asked me about my job knows I could talk on and on about it. I will try to keep this minimal though.

In 15 months I've had the great privelage of being part of the adoption of 4 beautiful babies brought into this world by some of the most selfless women I know. The parents that have made long adoption plans and then changed their mind I can honestly say have done it for purely selfish reasons. It's never been about their child - their reasons for changing their minds have been about themselves. I'm not judging them for the decision they made because I don't know if being in any of their shoes I would be able to choose adoption. However, I know when a birthmother makes that most selfless sacrifice of herself and chooses adoption it is some of the greatest love I've ever witnessed. I pray for them to be comforted in their loss. Just because they choose adoption doesn't mean they don't suffer. They are the ones that don't have their precious child to hold when they go home and I know they have doubts and questions if they made the right decision afterwards. Who wouldn't? They are going on faith and hope that they made the best decision for their child they could by giving their precious child a loving family who can provide that very important aspect to a child a they grow - stability. I think stability isn't emphasized enough for children. Not just when they are very young, but even as they grow up to adulthood. Every birthmother I've met doesn't have this. People don't consider adoption as an option unless their lives are chaotic, even if that's not what they would say. Children are very often raised without stability in their lives and they survive. Yet I want my children to not just survive, but flourish and given every opportunity to grow and learn. Adoption is so much about love. Anyone that has asked me about my job outside my family and friends has immediately opened up and shared some personal story they have with adoption. It's amazing the blessing in people's lives. So, it's difficult for me to understand the bad feelings and total misunderstanding of adoption that so many people have. I guess you can't ever understand the miracle of adoption for a child until years down the road to see how their life turned out, whether adopted or not. Even if you know, you really don't know exactly how the alternative would have turned out.

It's really all about faith. Believing in something that you can't see down the road. I echo the same thing I read from an adoptive parent I met, "God bless the birthmothers of this world." You will probably never know who they are when you see them at the grocery store or gas station. They are girls and women (boys and men too) of all walks of life. You will never know their grief and loss over missing their child. But please don't judge them negatively for their decision. They are blessing millions of peoples lives all over the world (both their childs and adoptive parents) and no greater act of love except our Savior's do I know.

Memories & Traditions

Our family had a lot of traditions when I was growing up in Hallsville, TX. One of my favorites was every winter, just after thanksgiving, we would go to get our Christmas tree. I had several friends that had fake Christmas trees, but I always preferred the piney woods smell that accompanied that fresh-cut Virginia pine. In the early years we would drive down to Wal-mart or Brookshires and buy one from their lot, but later Mom and Dad found a Christmas tree farm in Kilgore, and we started going there. I can still remember the fun we had as we would go out, get on the hayride, and set off in search of the perfect tree. Sometimes my best friend Jordan would go with us, other times it was just the three of us. I can still remember that on several occasions Mom and I would find the perfect tree within the first 5 minutes, only to have Dad make us walk around another hour looking for a better one, and then ending up back at the original tree that Mom and I had found. I always thought that Dad must be unable to spot a good tree when he saw it, and I promised myself that when I had kids, I would never make them walk around for an hour, wasting time, if we found the perfect tree so quickly! We would then cut down the tree, load it onto the hay ride, and head in to pay for the tree and stand around the campfire, drinking hot chocolate and eating peanuts. Then it was off to the house to set the tree up and spend the evening together as a family putting on the ornaments, lights, and tinsel. But to me the best part about it was going to cut it ourselves. The first Christmas after Dad died, Mom and I kept the tradition going. Although it was much more difficult, the memories were there and helped us through that first hard Christmas. The only years that I haven't had a real Christmas tree was when I was a missionary in Colombia, and even then we got a few branches off a tree and put some ornaments on it. It has been a tradition that we have kept in our small family throughout the years that we have been married, and now that we're back in East Texas we go to the same Christmas tree farm I went to as a boy. Everything is still the same, the hay ride, the fire, the trees. I even found myself making everyone walk around an extra hour, even though we saw the perfect tree as soon as we got off the hay ride ( I'm still a pro at spotting em'!) I have realized, as most grown up kids do, that dad wasn't tree spotting deficient, but knew that those moments with family were fleeting and wanted to spend as much time as he could with all of us. I only hope that our kids will continue the tradition to search for the perfect Christmas tree when they have families of their own one day. I am always reminded of our Savior at this time of year, and the great sacrifice he made so that we could enjoy those special moments in our lives. I am grateful for that, and for the memories that I have of Christmases past, memories made this year, and memories we will make in the future.

We're back!!!

Only been out of the blogging realm for two months. So we're not the best at keeping everyone update to date with us, but I do get to look at everyone else's blog often. Too much to do and too little time as normal. Maybe one day it will slow down some - maybe not

I know the sweetest little thing for us this week was James turning 2 years old! Wow! He had a great birthday breakfast with family and spoiled rotten as usual with attention and toys. He's the greatest little boy - only 24 1/2 lbs., but full of energy and words and singing and playing ball and fixing with dad. We had our house under construction for a couple weeks and all he wanted to do was use a screw driver on everything and hammer and so he Papa Paul got him a little drill and he loves it. Now he can help us all the time. Like in the pictures he loves playing with Papa Paul and he'll randomly got get one of his books and I'll find him "reading" it in his room. There is so much he stays busy with and loves to keep me going on different things. He makes us smile everyday.

I'm working with the young women in the Longview 4th Branch now - that's me and Sis. Rosa (YW pres.) with them at our activity making value hearts. They're great girls and I love getting to know them more all the time. Right now I'm working on finishing my role with the Cub Scouts and we had a great time helping clean up a local park. Slowing down will be my New Year's Resolution. Less work on the house and work in general and more with TJ and James.

TJ has worked so hard on the house and although there's always more to do, the current results are great to just enjoy for a while. We're trying to plan less and just get what done we need to. I don't have pics. yet, but hopefully I will before the end of the year.

Holly Lake Ranch Mini-Vacation

I got a call from Granny Joy last week asking if we wanted to use their timeshare at Holly Lake Ranch in Hawkins for a reservation my Uncle Tommy couldn't use. I figured we could use it at least part of the week so we went Monday night and stayed for a couple days anyway. They have everything right there, but of course, James enjoyed the miniature golf the most. That's most of the pictures I have. I've been wanting to get some of James golfing anyway since he enjoys it so much. If you look at the pictures, there is one hole we stayed at for a long time. James repeatedly took my ball and his blue ball, dropped it down the hole that ran a pipe out below. He'd walk down the steps, run and get the ball, climb over the little ledge, and start all over again. It was so nice just to sit there and watch him play and the enjoyment he got out of it. When the ball got stuck it was really enjoyable to watch him bend over to look up the pipe for it.

Also, we finally got to swim with TJ. We've tried to go to the Longview City pools now three times as a family, but alas. So, we got to go to the resort pool, but since we all enjoyed swimming so much I only got the one picture pre-swim. However, James enjoyed this swim experience much more than any other and much longer. Yea! There's hope! I know it's probably just his age right now, but since I was on the swim team in high school for 2 years and I still love swimming, I kind of hope he likes it some. Anyway, we had a really great time relaxing, swimming, golfing, playing, "hiking," grilling, and just enjoying each other.

The "hike" we took (once again, I forgot to take pics) was a walk through the woods near a creek and we got to see a small and large waterfall. The water was actually moving pretty fast and it's definitely the best East Texas waterfall I've ever seen. Our trip got cut short since I got a call from a birth mother I've been working with for a few months who went into labor. That was a wirlwind for me, of course, but we were really glad we had the few days just together enjoying nature and mostly each other.

Thats What I Love About Texas

Every once in a while you find a place that's like no where else you've been before. A place that is full of family values, but still rough enough that you don't get bored. A few weeks ago, while my sweet family was out of town, I had the opportunity of officiating at a wedding for some friends of ours. They were doing their ceremony at a little ranch just outside of Longview that I had never heard of before and even had a little trouble finding. It was then that I discovered the Sacred Spur Ranch. I say discovered as if I were Colombus discovering some strange new world ..... when in reality it was sort of like stepping back in time. Nestled in the middle of no where in the heart of east Texas is a restaurant/horse ranch that time forgot.... or rather that looked time in the face, spat in its eye and said "git along little doggie!" The owner, Bob Miller, gave me a tour of the facilities and he let me know that there was a live band that performed Friday and Saturday, that there was a dance floor, and that their steaks were the best around. Seeing the opportunity to get a big juicy Texas steak, under the ruse of taking my wife out dancing, was a very attractive proposition. I made sure to talk the place up to her, mentioning the dancing and band of coarse! And the first weekend she was back, that's where we went. This place is what East Texas is all about. If I wore a cowboy hat regularly it would be off to this wonderful establishment for reminding us how country is supposed to be. The band was awesome! The musicians were from small time acts such as Brooks and Dun and the lead singer was spectacular. We danced, we partied to the music, we had great food that was cooked on a home made grill! I have had the pleasure of living in different parts of the world, and eating allot of different kinds of food, and being in different environments. I've eaten piranha in the Amazons, Lechona in Ibague Colombia. I have even eaten what someone in Utah called BBQ (I was very embarrassed for them). But I have never been as impressed as what I was in going to this very rustic little ranch that had so much of what I love about East Texas. Tiff and I got to dance, I got my 18 oz Stake (I'm sure it was good for me) and we all had a great time. So I say you can go eat your tofu stake in New York - Ill take my food cooked on a homemade grill by a guy who still loves what he's doing. Ill take my music live and GOOD and I'll take my country East Texan style. And I'll take Texas over any of the other 49 states any day! Thank you Tiff for a wonderful date!

Happy 28th TJ!

TJ is now......................28 years old!!

I know TJ will love this picture to now show how mature he is to be in his late 20s. Actually, it's the most recent picture I could find from June since my computer crashed, but that's not the point.

Yesterday was TJ's birthday and this is the first year since we got engaged that I haven't got to be with him on his birthday. Actually, he asked me to marry him the day before his birthday in 2002 so what could I do? Say no? I've been at my family reunion, and although having fun, wishing he could be here too because I miss him tons!!!

I've been going through some of our pictures and realized all the great times we have together. I know I never appreciate TJ enough, but I love him sooooo much for just being the wonderful man he is. I just want to share some special tidbits about TJ for this special occasion:

1. TJ is first of all just a friendly, kind-hearted, loving, thoughtful, funny, and fun-loving guy. He is wonderful in so many ways. Just look at the pictures of some of his antics on the slideshow and you can tell all the great qualities about my husband.

2. TJ never forgets where he came from - his great parents, Jimmy & Chris. He always reminds me of their strong friendship and love as a couple that was such a great example to him. I'm forever grateful for their huge influence in helping TJ become the man he is today. They did all the things that parents do (A LOT!), and I see the lasting impact of their love and dedication to their only son.

3. He's my eternal companion - my love - my husband! I couldn't be more grateful for his not only willingness, but happiness to be with me (that takes a huge leap of faith, believe me). He never forgets to tell me he loves me and show it in a thousand different ways. He takes time to dance with me in the yard to a song on the radio, he helps me with all the little activities or family functions I've planned, he makes me laugh (even when I don't want to), he lets me cry, and he's just the man in my life. His faith and testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ lifts me to do better - be more. I love him more all the time.

4. TJ is also an AWESOME DAD!!! I know James can't say that yet, but when I ask James what song he wants to sing, his reply is, "Dad." So I sing to him "I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home," and "My Daddy Is My Favorite Pal." He's always content and usually asks for "more" when I'm done singing. We've been talking to TJ through webcam since we've been gone for more than a week, and James gives his dad kisses without prompting and listens as he reads him a story on the screen. He's always smiles to see his Dad - just like Mom.

TJ, I love you. I thank Heavenly Father everyday for you and I pray always that he strengthens you in all your responsibilities to us and to others. I know you're tired a lot and don't have time to do all the fun things you'd like to do, but know how much we love and are soooooooooooo grateful for you, babe! Can't wait to see you Thursday!!!!!