It's been months since I posted anything. Wow! That's how much even a part-time job can take out of me. Officially this week I have no more birthmoms who are pregnant and as soon as I finish-up the last bit of my paperwork I am "just" at home again. "Just" doesn't mean being home is more menial or less important - far from! Being home is something I relish in and have become more appreciative of over the last 15 months of being in the outside workforce.
I didn't start working as an adoption counselor part-time (whatever that means) because I felt like I needed to work outside the home to fulfill myself - it was purely a financial cover to start off. I wasn't even looking for a job on Craiglist, but I ran across the posting last January (2008) when I was helping my mom look for work on there. I had been looking for part-time work for a few months, but nothing seemed to fit our financial needs that was worth it for me to do and still be at home most of the time. After finding it, TJ and I discussed it, prayed about it, and it felt like a good decision for us so I applied.
I didn't go to school majoring in social work to become a millionaire (HA! Anyone know a social worker by profession that even makes six figures, much less any more?). Adoption counseling with prospective birthmothers sounded like a really great opportunity I hadn't got to try yet in the social work field and I really thought it would be perfect since East Texas wasn't very busy for our agency. I was lucky that I had a gradual start with the job in that I really was working maybe only 10-15 hours per week for the first few months. Then something changed and pregnant women considering adoption started popping out of the woodworks of East Texas and my job became a lot more toward full-time and traveling a lot rather than being at home most of the time. Other factors played in with my time restraints and being home, but my job became a real focus of everything. I was lucky that most appointments I could schedule around my time, but there is no control as to when a birthmom goes into labor (as any pregnant woman can tell you). I hated to leave James when he was so upset and crying. Even though I knew it didn't take him long to calm down, I just didn't have my heart in my job to keep doing it. TJ's work had improved considerably and the financial importance wasn't there anymore. Then, we found out we were expecting our second child on Election Day and gave my notice in January expecting to finish sometime in April. I wanted to keep working with a couple birthmoms I'd been with for a while and go with them to delivery and placement.
The last couple weeks have been A LOT slower since my wondeful friend, Vee, was hired to replace me as the East Texas Adoption Counselor. My thoughts don't have to constantly focus on who I need to call and check on, who's dr. apt. is next, what are there needs, and how can I help them best with their adoption plan. I really get to focus on my family now and our home and what's most important to us.
Every social work job I've done has had a profound effect on my personally, and I don't see how it couldn't for every other social worker. I've seen people of all walks of life and I really learn the meaning of "love one another" that Christ teaches us first hand. You have to love the people you are trying to "help them help themselves" and better their lives. When I don't and I'm so overwhelmingly frustrated with them for whatever reason, I know I'm not really doing the work I need to. I wouldn't have met most of these people in any other way, and I'm grateful for each one of them and the things that I've learned.
However, never being part of the adoption process before, I truly am sooooooooo grateful for the privelage I've had to be a part of the lives of the people I've worked with and their adoption stories. The birthmothers, my colleagues, and adoptive parents, as well as even medical professionals have all been an inspiration to me in one way or another. I know anyone who has ever asked me about my job knows I could talk on and on about it. I will try to keep this minimal though.
In 15 months I've had the great privelage of being part of the adoption of 4 beautiful babies brought into this world by some of the most selfless women I know. The parents that have made long adoption plans and then changed their mind I can honestly say have done it for purely selfish reasons. It's never been about their child - their reasons for changing their minds have been about themselves. I'm not judging them for the decision they made because I don't know if being in any of their shoes I would be able to choose adoption. However, I know when a birthmother makes that most selfless sacrifice of herself and chooses adoption it is some of the greatest love I've ever witnessed. I pray for them to be comforted in their loss. Just because they choose adoption doesn't mean they don't suffer. They are the ones that don't have their precious child to hold when they go home and I know they have doubts and questions if they made the right decision afterwards. Who wouldn't? They are going on faith and hope that they made the best decision for their child they could by giving their precious child a loving family who can provide that very important aspect to a child a they grow - stability. I think stability isn't emphasized enough for children. Not just when they are very young, but even as they grow up to adulthood. Every birthmother I've met doesn't have this. People don't consider adoption as an option unless their lives are chaotic, even if that's not what they would say. Children are very often raised without stability in their lives and they survive. Yet I want my children to not just survive, but flourish and given every opportunity to grow and learn. Adoption is so much about love. Anyone that has asked me about my job outside my family and friends has immediately opened up and shared some personal story they have with adoption. It's amazing the blessing in people's lives. So, it's difficult for me to understand the bad feelings and total misunderstanding of adoption that so many people have. I guess you can't ever understand the miracle of adoption for a child until years down the road to see how their life turned out, whether adopted or not. Even if you know, you really don't know exactly how the alternative would have turned out.
It's really all about faith. Believing in something that you can't see down the road. I echo the same thing I read from an adoptive parent I met, "God bless the birthmothers of this world." You will probably never know who they are when you see them at the grocery store or gas station. They are girls and women (boys and men too) of all walks of life. You will never know their grief and loss over missing their child. But please don't judge them negatively for their decision. They are blessing millions of peoples lives all over the world (both their childs and adoptive parents) and no greater act of love except our Savior's do I know.
