As a young boy I recall watching the Disney cartoon Sleeping
Beauty. In my perception, at the time, the
story is that of a young woman that finds herself, after some unfortunate
circumstances, in need of a prince to rescue her. I remember the prince having
to fight his way through thorny vines just to get to the young woman who was
helpless to save herself. In my childhood I remember thinking that this must be
the way to impress a woman! You have to
save them, helpless as they are. By the
time I had matured into a teenager I realized that was not the case. Still,
there remained an impulse, perhaps a residue of some of those “helpless maiden-
prince on a trusty steed” movie messages In my mind that I still felt in some
small way that I needed to “save” my future princess. To be a man, busting down doors and cutting
my way through thickets to save her. (Metaphorically speaking of course, I’m
somewhat small in stature and the door would probably not bust down
easily. I’m also not a great gardener.)
That feeling vanished
quickly after being married. If you’ve
met my wife you know she is not the kind to lay around waiting on someone to
swoop in and save her.
That said, I believe that I am lucky enough to have my own
type of fairy tale marriage.
Our fairy tale marriage is not the same kind that Disney
would portray. We have fought on many occasions, and we’ve had a lot of great times too. There are still nights that we
stay up late talking about everything. I
can truly say that she is my best friend. We have seen each other at our worst
and our best. My jokes, more often than
not, have proved to be annoying to her and misplaced at times. (She clearly doesn’t
understand good humor.. I’m Hilarious!) We
have served together at home and church, helped each other on lessons and
talks, and fought over the meaning of certain scriptures only to realize that
we were both saying the same thing in a different way. Our journey has been amazing at times, hard at others, and sometimes just OK. She has been there at my
side when I’ve lost my job and I’ve been the shoulder she needs to cry on when
devastating family matters weigh her down. We have always tried our best, and
failed sometimes, to be there for each other.
We have been fortunate enough to have three beautiful children who are
amazing, even though we can attest to being sub-par parents a great deal of the
time.
Our fairy tale marriage has not yet included me riding on the
back of a white horse (The only time I did as a kid I fell off), ready to pick
apart a thicket with my bare hands. (Although
I still harbor a hope that I can talk her into letting me buy a classic mustang
like I had in my youth, what middle age man doesn’t need a classic sports car
with a lot of horsepower!?!) In short, I do not see my wife as a helpless person who
needs me to save her. Our fairy tale is
the kind where both of us are elbow deep in the thicket. Hands and arms
scratched, scarred, and bruised, working together to get to where we both want
to be and finding joy in serving each other towards a common goal. I love her,
she loves me. I do not listen to her at times which really makes her mad and I guarantee she’s made me
upset more than once. But she is still the most beautiful woman in the room to
me. She steals my heart every day. I don’t fall in love with her every day, but
I’ve stayed in love with who she has become, and who we are together. We
are both different people than what we were when we said yes 13 years ago today.
In Steven Sondheims play “Into the Woods” the Baker and his wife have
this exchange -
“We’ve changed. We’re Strangers. I’m meeting you in the
woods. Who minds, What Dangers? I know
we’ll get past the woods. And once we’re
past Let’s hope the changes last….”
I love who she has become, I hope she likes who I am now as well. I love who we are together. It’s been 13 wonderful, crazy years. I look forward to many, many more. Happy anniversary Tiff! Lucky # 13!!
Full Disclosure - Tiffany will no doubt edit my grammar mistakes on this post in short order. She's better with that, and I'm OK with it ;)
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